So much has happened in my life in the last year. I will start with God Blessing us with the ability to buy our own home. a small place out of town, meaning farther to work more planning when it comes to shopping as it means a 13 mile trip to town if I forget to buy something and the trip must be made if I forget something important like say.....Toilet Paper. Okay don't laugh but it really does seem that the older I get the more my brain leaks. (Watch "Flight of The Navigator" if you don't get the reference) I forget things mostly just unimportant things like when Bill is going to be at the bowling alley to sub but sometimes really important things like needing something at the store.
Okay I got off track, see what I mean about the brain leaking! We got moved and believe me I use WE loosely see my Facebook pictures you will see how Bill got us moved with a little help from his friends even his ex-wife, I continued to work while he got us moved. We are still after a year trying to get settled in.
This spring on the way to Nationals in Reno we blew the engine in the Corsica, you should see the hole in the engine block you could put your fist through it. God was definitely with us as we continued through the canyon in Utah, Bill driving and me Praying finally getting to an exit with a Restaurant and really nothing else. we parked in the parking lot and Bill went in, it was cold and getting ready to snow. The people were so nice they called a towtruck who had to come 20 miles and was there in 20 minutes. Believe it or not the tow only cost us 60 bucks which the insurance repaid us. We had to rent a room and now it is snowing it cost 40, the room was so nice a king bed, twin beds a completely furnished kitchenette and a sofa that would also make a queen size bed. I want to go back sometime and spend a week with these lovely people. Bill called his nephew Chad in Las Vegas, he hopped on a plane immediately flew to Salt Lake City , rented a car and drove the additional 2 hours to pick us up. then we drove all night to get to the hotel in Reno have a nap and show up for Bill to bowl. We can never repay the kindnesses to us no reimburse Chad for the time and money he spent on our behalf. The plus next year Chad will be bowling with Bill at National's, again in Reno. We can hardly wait the entry has already been paid. It is just a matter of time now. Like I said God was indeed with us.
Next week Kathy will finally get to see our house as her and Benny come up for a short visit. I have arranged a Tea Party on the Patio Set Gary bought us as a house warming present. I am bringing together a group of women who are dear to me but have never met. I can hardly wait.
God has also drawn me to teach his word in our home, I have no idea if anyone will show up but I will be obedient and be ready anyway. Already I lead a Bible Study at work soon most of those ladies will be unemployed and in need of Pray and I hope they have learned to better rely on God. I Pray tha God uses me to further his will.
Later, God Bless
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Lessons are Hard
I think I understand one of the lessons God has been trying to teach me. I am not in control.....wow you would think that would be easy.
It seems we all have some notions of how things are going to work. I wanted to get married, raise my family, do volunteer work when my kids got older.People in my life did not follow my plan. The first man I married had done things I didn't know about and we had to divorce, but I was pregnant. Then I just kind of took the new women's freedom to an extreme but still thought my plan somehow was gonna work anyway. Three more kids and another marriage behind me I am still wondering why things just do not come out the way I want.
Along the way I got separated from my family, my roots, and lost my mother and my faith.
Well that is the point of this blog.
When Mom became sick I still had faith in God but in my notion of how things work. I prayed Mom would be healed. She died. My faith was destroyed. I understood so little. I prayed for healing, Mom was ready to go home to heaven...she was tired and broken by a hard life. disappointed by the men she had chosen to be her life mates and none were right for her. She was healed, not in body but in soul.
This knowledge came to me at a hard cost and many years later.
She died in 1980, 1981 brought the death of my grandfather. 1984 brought the death of my marriage although I know now it died long before then if indeed it was ever alive.
This is where my journey really begins. 1983 I started a journey back to faith, I prayed my marriage ended. God had another plan but all I saw was hurt.
I moved me and my kids to be near my sister and began to build my life. Understand I still thought I had some control. I started seeing a man that I thought would never capture my heart so he could never hurt me. You see he was married his wife was supposed to move to where he was living. ( she never did) and he had a girlfriend. this was a man I could NEVER love. I confess I do.
We are still together, he is divorced but we have never legally married. We could not be more married. He has been there for me through all the hard lessons I yet had to learn.
In 1990 Kevin died, son number 2. It was sudden and may or may not have been drug induced. the autopsy showed a perfectly healthy 21 year old and no drugs were in his system. I had no time to pray for him, but frankly at the time I had no inclination to pray at all. going through his stuff I found a poem he had written. I had it put on the program for his funeral. In it if you pay attention, you will hear that he wanted to go to God, the world was too awful for him. He had a beautiful soul and was at 21 so hurt and tired of the world he was praying to go home. Not home to me but home to God. I knew this when I read it but it gave me no comfort. In fact I refused all the comfort that God sent me. I hated God at this point, in fact I denied his existence, to him of course. I guess no matter how hard I tried I could not deny my belief in God.
Time moves on I my sons marry and I become a grandmother. Marriages, divorces, kids a move across country.
2000 I started attending a small Church. How I came to go is the subject of another blog someday.
2003 my granddaughter accuses her father of molestation. I won't get into a discussion of his guilt at this point because it doesn't matter to the lesson. For the record he denied it I believe him for many reasons. The jury believed him as well that is what they told his lawyer afterward and why they recommended a light sentence, they decided to convict him because they were afraid of not being right. I have never understood this reasoning. Between the time of his being accused and when he was sentenced he was drawn close to God. He spent 2 years in Prison, at 4 months if he had said I am guilty and sorry he could have been released. He refused. I saw him every week for 8 hours him and I , we talked of God, and just stuff and played a ton of cards. I cherish those 2 years. He became a new man in God and I could see the changes in him.
His wife did not see what I saw. He was out for a week when he took his life in a moment of despair after a fight with her. I am sure he changed his mind because he vomited up the pills. It is just that what he chose to take was not reversible. He went home to God. he was 38.
This time God had prepared my faith, talks with him, the pastor of the Church I attend..and lots of Bible study had strengthened me. God was my comfort in a way no one who has not fully relied on God can ever understand.
Now for the lessons I have learned.
1. It is my life but it only works well when I trust gods plan.
2. all prayer is answered. Even when we do not understand the answer.
3. Everything in Gods time not ours.
4. You can't rush God
5. Maybe the most important you cannot get close to God unless you talk to him AND listen to him.
6. Life does come with a manual, it is called the BIBLE.
It seems we all have some notions of how things are going to work. I wanted to get married, raise my family, do volunteer work when my kids got older.People in my life did not follow my plan. The first man I married had done things I didn't know about and we had to divorce, but I was pregnant. Then I just kind of took the new women's freedom to an extreme but still thought my plan somehow was gonna work anyway. Three more kids and another marriage behind me I am still wondering why things just do not come out the way I want.
Along the way I got separated from my family, my roots, and lost my mother and my faith.
Well that is the point of this blog.
When Mom became sick I still had faith in God but in my notion of how things work. I prayed Mom would be healed. She died. My faith was destroyed. I understood so little. I prayed for healing, Mom was ready to go home to heaven...she was tired and broken by a hard life. disappointed by the men she had chosen to be her life mates and none were right for her. She was healed, not in body but in soul.
This knowledge came to me at a hard cost and many years later.
She died in 1980, 1981 brought the death of my grandfather. 1984 brought the death of my marriage although I know now it died long before then if indeed it was ever alive.
This is where my journey really begins. 1983 I started a journey back to faith, I prayed my marriage ended. God had another plan but all I saw was hurt.
I moved me and my kids to be near my sister and began to build my life. Understand I still thought I had some control. I started seeing a man that I thought would never capture my heart so he could never hurt me. You see he was married his wife was supposed to move to where he was living. ( she never did) and he had a girlfriend. this was a man I could NEVER love. I confess I do.
We are still together, he is divorced but we have never legally married. We could not be more married. He has been there for me through all the hard lessons I yet had to learn.
In 1990 Kevin died, son number 2. It was sudden and may or may not have been drug induced. the autopsy showed a perfectly healthy 21 year old and no drugs were in his system. I had no time to pray for him, but frankly at the time I had no inclination to pray at all. going through his stuff I found a poem he had written. I had it put on the program for his funeral. In it if you pay attention, you will hear that he wanted to go to God, the world was too awful for him. He had a beautiful soul and was at 21 so hurt and tired of the world he was praying to go home. Not home to me but home to God. I knew this when I read it but it gave me no comfort. In fact I refused all the comfort that God sent me. I hated God at this point, in fact I denied his existence, to him of course. I guess no matter how hard I tried I could not deny my belief in God.
Time moves on I my sons marry and I become a grandmother. Marriages, divorces, kids a move across country.
2000 I started attending a small Church. How I came to go is the subject of another blog someday.
2003 my granddaughter accuses her father of molestation. I won't get into a discussion of his guilt at this point because it doesn't matter to the lesson. For the record he denied it I believe him for many reasons. The jury believed him as well that is what they told his lawyer afterward and why they recommended a light sentence, they decided to convict him because they were afraid of not being right. I have never understood this reasoning. Between the time of his being accused and when he was sentenced he was drawn close to God. He spent 2 years in Prison, at 4 months if he had said I am guilty and sorry he could have been released. He refused. I saw him every week for 8 hours him and I , we talked of God, and just stuff and played a ton of cards. I cherish those 2 years. He became a new man in God and I could see the changes in him.
His wife did not see what I saw. He was out for a week when he took his life in a moment of despair after a fight with her. I am sure he changed his mind because he vomited up the pills. It is just that what he chose to take was not reversible. He went home to God. he was 38.
This time God had prepared my faith, talks with him, the pastor of the Church I attend..and lots of Bible study had strengthened me. God was my comfort in a way no one who has not fully relied on God can ever understand.
Now for the lessons I have learned.
1. It is my life but it only works well when I trust gods plan.
2. all prayer is answered. Even when we do not understand the answer.
3. Everything in Gods time not ours.
4. You can't rush God
5. Maybe the most important you cannot get close to God unless you talk to him AND listen to him.
6. Life does come with a manual, it is called the BIBLE.
Monday, May 25, 2009
Liberal V/S Conservative
I am a conservative by nature so if this comes off biased I am sorry it is not intended to be. Really I just want to clarify for myself what I believe and why.
The Liberal believes it is the Governments responsibility to take care of the populace. To make decisions for them because the populace is too stupid, or lazy to make good decisions for themselves. That all people should have equal housing, medical care, food. They also believe that they can make better decisions for a persons life than that person.
The conservative believes that the populace should care for each other voluntarily and the government should only intervene when someone is unable to physically care for themselves. That no one can make better decisions for your own life than you can. That you have the right to fail if you make the wrong decision.
The Liberal believes that all people should have a strong self image.
The Conservative believes you earn your self image.
The Liberal believes all life is sacred...except the unborn.
The Conservative believes all life is sacred...but may make an exception for a murderer.
The Liberal believes that they know how best to spend your money...higher taxes..bigger government...more social programs.
The Conservative believes that you can and should be able to spend what you earn. Smaller government (although recent years would not convince you of this) Social programs should come from the community.
The Liberal believes in education...but also that if you are educated you will think like them.
The Conservative believes in education...but that you are responsible for learning..and will learn to think for yourself.
The Liberal believes in peace and diplomacy. Peace at all costs.
The Conservative believes "walk softly but Carry a big stick"
The Liberal believes in the 'Separation of Church and State"
The Conservative believes the "Government should make no law governing the practice of religion"
The Liberal believes the constitution is a living document to be interpreted by the rules of the societal age.
The Conservative believes the Constitution is a living document to be changed in meaning only through the amendment process..that asks the will of the people.
The Liberal believes in personal choice. A woman can choose to kill her baby. A man must be forced to pay child support.
The conservative believes the child has a right to be born once conceived.
The Liberal believes in Gay marriage.
The conservative believes marriage is between 1 man and 1 woman.
I believe that homosexuals should have rights as a couple, but that it should not be called marriage.
Liberals believe in the right of the individual to chose....so long as it is their way.
The conservative believes in the right to conscience...Dr.s and medical personnel should not be forced to do things against their conscience.
The Liberal believes in saving the environment at the cost of human existance.
The conservative believes in stewardship of the planet to the good of humankind.
There are so many more things but my brain is numb.
The Liberal believes it is the Governments responsibility to take care of the populace. To make decisions for them because the populace is too stupid, or lazy to make good decisions for themselves. That all people should have equal housing, medical care, food. They also believe that they can make better decisions for a persons life than that person.
The conservative believes that the populace should care for each other voluntarily and the government should only intervene when someone is unable to physically care for themselves. That no one can make better decisions for your own life than you can. That you have the right to fail if you make the wrong decision.
The Liberal believes that all people should have a strong self image.
The Conservative believes you earn your self image.
The Liberal believes all life is sacred...except the unborn.
The Conservative believes all life is sacred...but may make an exception for a murderer.
The Liberal believes that they know how best to spend your money...higher taxes..bigger government...more social programs.
The Conservative believes that you can and should be able to spend what you earn. Smaller government (although recent years would not convince you of this) Social programs should come from the community.
The Liberal believes in education...but also that if you are educated you will think like them.
The Conservative believes in education...but that you are responsible for learning..and will learn to think for yourself.
The Liberal believes in peace and diplomacy. Peace at all costs.
The Conservative believes "walk softly but Carry a big stick"
The Liberal believes in the 'Separation of Church and State"
The Conservative believes the "Government should make no law governing the practice of religion"
The Liberal believes the constitution is a living document to be interpreted by the rules of the societal age.
The Conservative believes the Constitution is a living document to be changed in meaning only through the amendment process..that asks the will of the people.
The Liberal believes in personal choice. A woman can choose to kill her baby. A man must be forced to pay child support.
The conservative believes the child has a right to be born once conceived.
The Liberal believes in Gay marriage.
The conservative believes marriage is between 1 man and 1 woman.
I believe that homosexuals should have rights as a couple, but that it should not be called marriage.
Liberals believe in the right of the individual to chose....so long as it is their way.
The conservative believes in the right to conscience...Dr.s and medical personnel should not be forced to do things against their conscience.
The Liberal believes in saving the environment at the cost of human existance.
The conservative believes in stewardship of the planet to the good of humankind.
There are so many more things but my brain is numb.
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Wha-Wha Superstitions
I am just chillin' for the weekend and watching of all things the History Channel when what comes on but a program about hunting's in New England. Like anybody I like a good tale so I stay tuned.
The monologue in the beginning starts with our Religious ancestors coming to America and bringing their superstitions, believing in the supernatural.....DUH isn't a ghost supernatural?
I know they were only speaking of them believing in Witches and Warlocks...oh and things that go bump in the night....there are those ghosts again. They didn't deny the existence of God even the Media doesn't go that far YET! I just find it ironic to say it is okay to believe in ghosts...that you can't see and not believe in witches...who are self proclaimed servants of the Devil who you also cannot see. I believe in God, I believe in the Bible, and I believe in "the evil one" also known as the devil. We know from the bible that the devil has followers so why not witches. Do I want to start burning at the stake those who don't agree with me......let me think about that a minute it does hold some allure. Okay no I just don't have the stomach for it. The Bible tells us such things exist and not to become involved in the spirit world. I was not always aware of the admonition so am very sure of its reality.
Why is it though that those who have to ability to get a message to multitudes of people want to tell you what is superstition based on only what they choose to believe in?
The monologue in the beginning starts with our Religious ancestors coming to America and bringing their superstitions, believing in the supernatural.....DUH isn't a ghost supernatural?
I know they were only speaking of them believing in Witches and Warlocks...oh and things that go bump in the night....there are those ghosts again. They didn't deny the existence of God even the Media doesn't go that far YET! I just find it ironic to say it is okay to believe in ghosts...that you can't see and not believe in witches...who are self proclaimed servants of the Devil who you also cannot see. I believe in God, I believe in the Bible, and I believe in "the evil one" also known as the devil. We know from the bible that the devil has followers so why not witches. Do I want to start burning at the stake those who don't agree with me......let me think about that a minute it does hold some allure. Okay no I just don't have the stomach for it. The Bible tells us such things exist and not to become involved in the spirit world. I was not always aware of the admonition so am very sure of its reality.
Why is it though that those who have to ability to get a message to multitudes of people want to tell you what is superstition based on only what they choose to believe in?
Friday, May 15, 2009
Cutting the Budget
I was listening to the radio again and they were talking about Colin Powell saying that the American people want more government and were willing to pay higher taxes to get it. Wow that concept makes no sense to me at all. So they were talking what were we willing to give up to cut the budget.
1. Endowment to the Arts....let the rich and the stars do it.
2. No funding for abortions.. these are future taxpayers
3. No retirement for Congressmen/ Women ....this was meant for people to give back to their country after they gained maturity.. not a career choice ( this includes Senators)
4. Reasonable expenses..but no salary for Senators or Congressmen..Fly to and from home via coach and only once a year. Congress take care of Business in 6 months.....Period.
5. Budget Military and National security ( this includes the border) First.
6.No more funding for pet projects...if it does not benefit the entire country then the state should do it.
7. Welfare ends.... programs for people who are adults and cannot help themselves emphasis on Cannot. Help for orphans. The details on this need some work...but no more aid to non-citizens and no more aid to people who can work but won't..aid could be limited to training if necessary...worst case they clean streets.. dig ditches..do childcare for the other workers but must do something for the money. No more something for nothing programs for any able bodied person.
8. Education.. the three R's first! Additional programs in schools funded by the state, county, city. Music is important, sports is not. Math and Science have to come before football and track.
Special Ed only for those truly in need discipline for the disruptive.
9. Finally Programs that have been guaranteed.. Social Security for those who already paid in..work out the future if you must. Medicare for those on Social Security and they shouldn't need to pay for it and still need insurance. If there is no other way then cut it so they can afford to buy full insurance, and raise Social Security to pay them back for paying into Medicare.
10. Medicaid..basic services only..emergency room service only for emergencies..if it wasn't a necessary visit medicaid won't pay and the recipient will.
11. Prisons..if they are not a DANGER to society educate them but do not incarcerate.
12. Legalize drugs and tax them.
Just a start I am sure there is more. I know that any contractor who sees the Government as the payer the price triples before they cut a 'deal'
Just doing some think here help me out.
1. Endowment to the Arts....let the rich and the stars do it.
2. No funding for abortions.. these are future taxpayers
3. No retirement for Congressmen/ Women ....this was meant for people to give back to their country after they gained maturity.. not a career choice ( this includes Senators)
4. Reasonable expenses..but no salary for Senators or Congressmen..Fly to and from home via coach and only once a year. Congress take care of Business in 6 months.....Period.
5. Budget Military and National security ( this includes the border) First.
6.No more funding for pet projects...if it does not benefit the entire country then the state should do it.
7. Welfare ends.... programs for people who are adults and cannot help themselves emphasis on Cannot. Help for orphans. The details on this need some work...but no more aid to non-citizens and no more aid to people who can work but won't..aid could be limited to training if necessary...worst case they clean streets.. dig ditches..do childcare for the other workers but must do something for the money. No more something for nothing programs for any able bodied person.
8. Education.. the three R's first! Additional programs in schools funded by the state, county, city. Music is important, sports is not. Math and Science have to come before football and track.
Special Ed only for those truly in need discipline for the disruptive.
9. Finally Programs that have been guaranteed.. Social Security for those who already paid in..work out the future if you must. Medicare for those on Social Security and they shouldn't need to pay for it and still need insurance. If there is no other way then cut it so they can afford to buy full insurance, and raise Social Security to pay them back for paying into Medicare.
10. Medicaid..basic services only..emergency room service only for emergencies..if it wasn't a necessary visit medicaid won't pay and the recipient will.
11. Prisons..if they are not a DANGER to society educate them but do not incarcerate.
12. Legalize drugs and tax them.
Just a start I am sure there is more. I know that any contractor who sees the Government as the payer the price triples before they cut a 'deal'
Just doing some think here help me out.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Hate the News
It seems I cannot get away from the news...I have tried but I drive over an hour to work each way every day so I have to listen to something. Nope no CD player and all the cassettes are worn out.
Anyway last night it was all about torturing prisoners....this morning more of the same. Now you know I have my sources and they must be protected, but I am told that we ( American Military) don't do anything that is considered torture. Further the things we do get reliable intel. Real torture doesn't you know the kind like in the movies... drill a hole through someones hand well then they will just tell you anything. The methods we use, and all the experts seem to agree on this, are used to train our military, so my question if we can use them on ourselves to prepare just how bad can it be. Then there is the whole humiliation issue, being as old as I am I say a little humiliation never hurt anybody. It kind of goes with the "sticks and stones" thing.
What do I care about torture anyway...these folks filmed beheading civilians they kidnapped..oh did I forget to say they were Americans. Oh and something about 911..and Embassy bombings..and remember the USS Cole. Need I go on?
As for me I have seen nothing of real torture and probably wouldn't care if I had. What I do care about is keeping our guys safe, that means not telling the other side squat. Sometimes that means not telling the public squat. I am good with that.
Anyway last night it was all about torturing prisoners....this morning more of the same. Now you know I have my sources and they must be protected, but I am told that we ( American Military) don't do anything that is considered torture. Further the things we do get reliable intel. Real torture doesn't you know the kind like in the movies... drill a hole through someones hand well then they will just tell you anything. The methods we use, and all the experts seem to agree on this, are used to train our military, so my question if we can use them on ourselves to prepare just how bad can it be. Then there is the whole humiliation issue, being as old as I am I say a little humiliation never hurt anybody. It kind of goes with the "sticks and stones" thing.
What do I care about torture anyway...these folks filmed beheading civilians they kidnapped..oh did I forget to say they were Americans. Oh and something about 911..and Embassy bombings..and remember the USS Cole. Need I go on?
As for me I have seen nothing of real torture and probably wouldn't care if I had. What I do care about is keeping our guys safe, that means not telling the other side squat. Sometimes that means not telling the public squat. I am good with that.
Monday, May 11, 2009
Being A Christian
These days a lot of people say they are Christian....While I cannot tell another persons heart I can certainly see their actions. I try not to let my actions have people say "If she's a Christian I want no part of Religion" Those who do not follow Christ sometimes do not understand... I would like them to understand a few things from my perspective:
1 I attend Church regularly not because I am pious but because I need the company of other believers to help me to be truer to my faith.
2 I attend Church on the Sabbath, not because I think I am better than others or even because I think they are wrong...but because God rested on the Seventh Day and I want to model after him. I want to show God my respect and this is what I believe is wanted of me.
3 I believe the Bible to be a true and accurate account....Don't laugh you believe your ancestors were apes and farther back amoebas.
4 I do not believe I am better than you.. in fact I think we are both stained by sin, I have accepted Christs sacrifice to cleanse my sin.
5 I believe that sin is... doing the wrong thing. I also believe it is dwelling on a wrong thought. A thought that if acted upon would bring harm to another person.
6 I believe there is but ONE truth...we may never discover all the truth...we can all be wrong... but we cannot all be right.
7 I believe that if you really believe in the religion you practice it excludes all others. ( In Christianity it does not mean denominations are exclusive..but to be a Christian excludes being a Jew or a Muslim or a Hindu or a Buddhist)
8 I believe that God will forgive us if we truly repent... are sorry and turn from that behavior.
9 I believe that not everyone who professes to be a Christian is one and I am sorry for that.
10 I do not believe that God approves of abortion.
11 I believe it is taking Gods name in vain to call yourself a Christian to influence others when you are not.
12 I believe that we are in the end times and praise God.
1 I attend Church regularly not because I am pious but because I need the company of other believers to help me to be truer to my faith.
2 I attend Church on the Sabbath, not because I think I am better than others or even because I think they are wrong...but because God rested on the Seventh Day and I want to model after him. I want to show God my respect and this is what I believe is wanted of me.
3 I believe the Bible to be a true and accurate account....Don't laugh you believe your ancestors were apes and farther back amoebas.
4 I do not believe I am better than you.. in fact I think we are both stained by sin, I have accepted Christs sacrifice to cleanse my sin.
5 I believe that sin is... doing the wrong thing. I also believe it is dwelling on a wrong thought. A thought that if acted upon would bring harm to another person.
6 I believe there is but ONE truth...we may never discover all the truth...we can all be wrong... but we cannot all be right.
7 I believe that if you really believe in the religion you practice it excludes all others. ( In Christianity it does not mean denominations are exclusive..but to be a Christian excludes being a Jew or a Muslim or a Hindu or a Buddhist)
8 I believe that God will forgive us if we truly repent... are sorry and turn from that behavior.
9 I believe that not everyone who professes to be a Christian is one and I am sorry for that.
10 I do not believe that God approves of abortion.
11 I believe it is taking Gods name in vain to call yourself a Christian to influence others when you are not.
12 I believe that we are in the end times and praise God.
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